hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
