Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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