Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
