You really coming over, don't trick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
