This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
