What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
