I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
