Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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