Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
soo... how was my night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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