i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
