for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
