When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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