After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
