I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
