so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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