You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
