you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
