dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
