Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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