Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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