i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
