standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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