I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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