if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
