They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he just fucked me for my cheese.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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