So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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