I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so let's talk penis.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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