her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
