Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
