Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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