the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
