I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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