your room smells of hookers.
And success
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
