he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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