I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face