I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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