Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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