we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
