The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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