who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
