ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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