I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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