All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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