Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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