i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Vodka?
Forever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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