Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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