Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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