We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
