I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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