Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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