im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
