your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
