I think I died a long time ago.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
