I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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