Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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