If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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