Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
