Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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