the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
