dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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