I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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