Your face is a jimmy john
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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