Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
