im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His hands were made for my vagina.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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