just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
