I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
