I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
