I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
