my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
