You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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