Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
