I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
