More tranny stories later!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
